If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
