Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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