i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
