We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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