covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
