My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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