I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
