Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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