Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
