The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
