Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
