are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
