honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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