Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
