I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
