and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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