so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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