the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
COCAINE IS GR8
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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