birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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