And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Congratulations! We have a period
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