Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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