Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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