I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
