i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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