dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
