idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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