I showed him my bush... on skype.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
