Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found puke in my bra..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
