she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You left your phone here
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