Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
