Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
