She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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