it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
