Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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