What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
