i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
