my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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