hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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