mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
