Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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