I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
