She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
