I can text with my tongue
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
