So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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