I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize