I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
