you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
