Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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