I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
