What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
