My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
