I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
