I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
people are starting to question the shark bite story
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
