Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
