I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
