$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I checked into jail on foursquare
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
