I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
