"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
