Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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