Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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