god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
