I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am available for nakedness
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize