this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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