OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
