The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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