just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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