I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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