my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
