I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
