I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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