Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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