I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
