the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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