wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
