Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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