he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
