I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
