Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
