I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
