dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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