Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
