She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize