Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am naked and annoyed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
