Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
