ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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