I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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