lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize