IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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