fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
