i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize