I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You can't motorboat a personality
its not stalking. its research.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
