I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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