why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
