saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
two words: eviction party
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
