i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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