Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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