Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize