Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
