Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
