U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
