why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
