Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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