I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
