Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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