you traded sex for a burrito?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
