I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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