Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
