By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
