I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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