I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
