I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
