what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
