I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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