thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
