Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
