also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize