No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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