She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize