her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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