I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
