how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
