genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
