I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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